security, WHO?! never heard of her...

oof, this ain’t cute//
but i’m just going to put it ALL out there🤷🏻‍♀️
im kind of ~obsessed~ with idols🙊
•
SO much of my life has been about these two things:
1. whittling myself + my body into something worthy of praise and admiration [i.e wanting people to WANT me]
2. carving my body/life into an idol for other people to be jealous over [wanting people to want TO BE me]

> those were lowkey my underlying motivations for a lot of things for a long time. 
sounds pretty terrible but i’m pretty sure i’m not the only one.
> i mean, isn’t that the underlying culture of social media anyways?🤔 •
- “oh look at me + what i’m doing [so that ¿maybe? people will be jealous and want my life]” OR —- “look at who i am and what i look like!! [dont you want this?! i mean, why WOULDN’T you want this?]” •

> to be real, the past week and a half has been REALLY hard recovery-wise. my desire to look worthy of praise and admiration has exceeded my desire for God’s glory to be shown in my life. 

> i saw a direct correlation—when i want glory, recovery is out of sight. i am consumed with how to get praise and validation for my existence [so i go back into an eating disorder mindset] 

> but on the days where God’s glory is the most important thing to me, it’s all about how God will be shown through my recovery, how His power has been made PERFECT in my weakness....not my incessant need for control.

[not sure what that looks like for you...anxiety? control? perfectionism? aesthetic-a? success? relationship?]

> what do you gravitate towards when you’re craving glory, acceptance or validation?
chances are it doesn’t reflect Gods power—but “ours” instead.

>> what gives me HOPE is this promise:
“those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.” // psalm 34:5

> isnt that what we ALL want?! we want to be LIGHT + LOVE! 
we want people to gravitate towards us. GOD WANTS THAT TOO!! .....but for people to see HIM through that light—not us.
​
> when we LOOK to God and prioritize His glory we are BRIGHT LIGHTS in this world of shadows because we will reflect his love + freedom💛